I am a generally lazy man writing this shitty book. It is Janurary 1 1456 when I heard some strange knocking on my door. it went *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* so much fucking bangs I got annoyed. "COME IN" I yelled. All of the sudden Shrek busted through the door like the kool-aid man, OH YEAH!
After Shrek nearly broke my door I saw something else, my family was standing above me with skulls in their hyperrealistic hands. My family put the skulls together and made a Playstation 3. Controller and all. I plugged in the damn system and began playing. I was playing SPOOKY SCARY DOGE WORLD SUPER TURBO HYPERREALISTIC EDITION. I played the title screen until something happened.
I got knocked out by a flying dildo that flew out of the TV. I woke up at 6:66 PM on March 14 6969. My family is now hyperrealistic skeletons. I am somehow a damn egg with arms, legs, hands, dick, and a pedostache. SPOOKE SCARY DOGE WORLD SUPER TURBO HYPERREALISTIC EDITION is still on. I kept playing the title screen until this message popped up: "Are you ready for Freddy?" Next thing I know *insert mickey mouse voice here* FREDDY FAZBEAR JUMPED OUT OF THE TV AND STARTED T-BAGGING SHREK AN- wait what? "Hey dumbass I'm over here"! I yelled at Freddy. Freddy just stood there laughing while Shrek was raping Freddy. I rolled my eyes and screamed as the Mayflower came sashing through my house with, the kool-aid man, Fred Flintstone, Rick Astley, Goku, Silver, and Justin Beiber onboard.
As you can tell I had way too much time on my hands to write every specific detail on this specific Creepypasta parody website, on this specific page, on my specific lifestory. "DAMN THIS PAGE IS GOLDEN!" I yelled for some reason. I looked outside my window shaped like a penis, I saw that World War III occured. I shrugged it off and kept playing the doge game. Before all this shit happened I was a poor guy that had a piece of wood named Plank as a friend.
Back to present times, that penis guy in the background of this website came and spoke to Freddy, Shrek, Rick Astley and everyone else in the room. An ASSteroid hit the Earth after God found out the Barrack Obama is president. Inside the ASSteroid is Miley Cyrus that looks like a man combined with Nicholas Cage, Leonardo Decaprio and Bob from BOB.EXE. Bob tried to kill me with a lego pickaxe, what a fucking moron. The doge came out of the TV and pissed on me. The doge then got hyperrealistic blood all over him and went back inside the TV. I tried to falcon punch the TV but my hand went inside the TV. the TV is a portal! I jumped through the portal and ended up back in 6:66 PM on March 14 6969. I was that same egg as before. I heard the wilhelm sceam and someone told me to get the fuck out of the way.
I looked up and I saw Dr. Octagonapus and Dr Eggman screaming PINGAS! "DOCTAGONAPUS BRWAHHH!" Dr Octagonapus let out his LAZAAA he uses to kill people. I jumped out of the way and falcon punched him. Eggman threw his PINGAS at me. The doge came back and ate Eggman. A crowd went wild and Barrack Obama came up to me. "you fought well young egg. NOW I MUST EAT YOU MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Obama took off his costume and he became Satan. The whole place turned into hell. I then became a fried egg and people at Newport Creamery ate me. I wrote this shitty book with the organs the person had. The End.
NOT! FOOLED YOU!
Moving on. the kool-iad man said: "Where the fuck is that egg? Fred Flinstone said: "He was eaten you dumb red ass." Next thing I know, Justin Beiber hijacked a ferrari and the tire falcon punched Snoop Dogg's house. I was revived when the person who ate me took a shit and I was thrown into the sewers with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Another fucking Mayflower smashed through the sewers. This one had Mario, Sanic, Tails Doll, Slenderman, your mother, a bag of weed, french fries, and the doge from HYPERREALISTIC DOGE WORLD. When everyone got off the ship the bag of weed started fucking itself. Then Mickey Mouse came out of nowhere and started trying smoking the weed. It worked but then teh weed went inside him and starting having gay sex with his organs and eventually killed him.
I checked some weird map of the sewers. An anus was discovered down here. kept on walking and eventually found a broken down dildo-shaped aircraft. I checked the inside and found Captain Falcon. He was ded. The HEavy from TF2. came out of the aircraft with the sandvich. "what the fuck are you doing here tiny man?" he spoke. "I came down here by accident okay?" I replied. The HEavy took out his gating gun and bitch slapped me with it. I fell unconcious. I can't remember anything after that horrible expierience. I was back in the 1400s. There was no Playstation 3. There was no Mayflower, no TV, no doges, no Justin Beibers, no Shreks, nothing. I just had a sexual fantasy of all of those horny characters.
I killed myself by ripping my balls off and begun sufficating myself. I wrote this with my dead body, teh end. FOR REEL DIS TIEM!!!!!111
1 Billion Centuries Later Edit
I was woken up in a year that I don't even want to type. I was touched in the ass by Nemo and I was underwater in Houston. I woke up only to find I was anally penetrated by Squidward's testicles for the years I spent dead with no balls. I think it was all a glitch so I moved on. I had approximately 0.000000001 atoms worth of oxygen left and I was swimming upwards. I found myself in an alternate universe where the Berenstein bears exist, not Berenstain.
I went inside my local Ebay, the walls were covered in piss and semen. Leonardo Davinci gave me a copy of Boneless Pizza: The Vidya Game. I went to my underwater home and popped in the game. I died when I turned on the game. The game grew an erection and ate me. I found myself inside the world of dead memes. John Cena, Harambe, Robbie Rotten, Gabe The Dog, and the Boneless Pizza guy were all standing before me.
"Let me make you boneless", the Boneless Pizza guy said. He pulled out a pizza with no bones in it and shoved it into my hairy rectum. John Cena gave Boneless the Attitude Adjustment and ripped the pizza out of my asshole, and began eating it. Gabe came out and bit John Cena's dick off. John Cena passed out due to manly bits loss.
🅱️oneless Pizza pulled out a super edgy pizza slicer and began chasing me. Shrek came out of nowhere and German suplexed Boneless to death. Robbie Rotten began singing We Are Number One with that guy who made Pen Pineapple Apple Pen. A pen, apple, and a pineapple came out. The pineapple came to life and penetrated Robbie. I went out on a journey, to find that Playstation 3 that I saw in my sexual fantasy. I found an underwater Gamestop and they had one in stock. The clerk said "this shit is haunted, take it for free". I plugged in the damn system and began playing.
I looked at the Playstation 3, and found it has bone fragments. Oh it's true, it's damn true. BUT WAIT, THE PLAYSTATION 3 WAS A LIE. A sp00py ghost came out of it and ripped my ass apart. The water drained and a nuclear winter unfolded. Donald Trump nuked North Korea and started World War 711.
The news came on. This is a FOX News Alert, you're all fucked, the end.
I SAID THE END DIPSHIT
LEAVE THIS PAGE.
you rebel I like you. Harambe pulled out a banana and went to see Donald Trump. "I will build a wall between the Cincinnati Zoo and your cage." Trump said. Harambe stuck the banana in Trump's asshole and began raping him. And that son is how babies are born. I superglued myself back together by using an exploit in the time and space continuum. My body feels unstable and I feel like if something were to- FUCK. A feather fell on me and I fell apart again. I'm so fragile since I was in the 1400s. I should be ded.
God came to the White House and touched Mike Pence inappropriately. Trump filed a lawsuit against God and he made God go bankrupt. Trump took God's powers away from him and fired him. Trump is now a god himself. He snapped his finger and blew up North Korea, China, Afghanistan, Syria, and Iraq. I feared this day would come. I felt a weird feeling and I passed out. I don't remember anything. I know nothing. I became Jon Snow.
I woke up in 2017 at 6:66 PM. The memes I knew and love are gone. Shrek, Rick Astley, John Cena, Harambe, and Hitler. I converted to being a normie. A meme lord came into my room and shot me to death with a meme gun. I dead again. Maybe this time I will stay dead? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE!